well all of ya's, it is off into the great wide world (South Dakota baby, YEAH), that is, we will be off just as soon as we get everything in order (in other words, not until sometime [much] later this afternoon). I do not know how accessable the world wide web will be for me where I am going, but I will try my darndest to at least post as often as possible...

And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love lives
On lollipops and crisps

Just don't leave
Don't leave

-radiohead

connie, I hope you read this, because I do not have any other way to contact you. I am going to shoot the katemiester an email and such asking for your address and such, but I thought that it would probably be faster if you emailed me with your contact information.

In other news, I just purchased my first very own tent. It spaciously sleeps two (and I do not think that three would be a problem, so long as you do not have to store gear too) and it is around 4-5 pounds, and I am very very excited about it, all in all. So, for all interested parties, give me a jingle sometime and we will go camping! (in August... or later...)

I was sad to discover that it only took about three times for me to become immune to the 'sudden drop, heart-in-throat-stomach-taking-the-heart's-place' feeling that I had initially gotten from the 'Wild Thing'. Almost disappointing, but considering the insane-take-your-money-and-run admission fee, I could not afford to not have the time of my life. Which was not had anyway, but I tried. I really did. I feel that yes, I fought the good fight, but alas, to little avail. By the end, (through much squelching and shivering [funny, who would guess one would get drenched on rides that transpire on or include WATER]) I am ashamed to admit that I was more interested in resorting to my ever present (ever reliable) fondness for people watching (and duck hunting) than continuing to galavant (or even walk, for that matter) around the park in my excedingly hydrated state.


This had never occured to me before (well, before a few weeks ago, anyway) but because of who they are I love my relatives (by this I mean that because they are traceably linked by blood to me I therefore MUST have unconditional love for them), but this does not mean that I have to like them. In fact, it is an ok thing for me to not like them. Unfortunately, now that I have discovered this new, um, liberty, (the freedom of choice) it will be more difficult to not not like them. Quite possibly my most thought changing discovery thus far this summer, because now I watch them and realize:
a). I really do not know them very well at all.
b). They really do not know me very well at all.
c). I think that I like it that way.
I would prefer it otherwise, sure, but the way that I am perceived by most of them enables me to maintain a low profile while at family gatherings, therefore allowing me to read or knit or pick my nose. Also I can take solace in the loneliness that creeps into the souls of all wallflowers and outsiders and feel depressed and suicidal all I want while maintaining a perfectly calmcoolcollected exterior, and no one will ever know... muwah ha ha...! No, my extended family is not that bad at all, and I am not that shunned; I am just terrible at relating to people (or at least those people, oh the irony) and being as I am very tired at the moment and granted the amount of thought that I have given this topic (prior to and via this blog) it is very likely that I may have exaggerated the situation a bit. (some of it was sarcasm, too) All I have left for this train of thought is that my cousin's wedding/my grandfather's birthday celebration should prove to be quite... educational.

how quickly a slow week can pass.

"do we care?" "oh yes, of course you do." "I suppose it is good to be reminded sometimes..."

one can try to forget for so long, but after a few long whiles one forgets to forget, and then everything to be forgotten slowly fades, only to be rejuvinated (reconstituted) by unexpected reminders or some such memory sparking hoopla.

so really, why bother?

to that I have my own answer; answers, really, as I am sure you have yours. Maybe someday we can discuss them over coffee (or caramels, because really, if you think about it, eating caramels is as arbitrary as drinking coffee...)

I view room-rearranging/cleaning/goingthroughpracticallyeverythingyouown as turning over a new (and dusty beyond all reason) leaf. It leaves me, when all is said and done with a feeling of vague satisfaction, but more over, a feeling of anticipation for the mess that is to come, only to be cleaned up next summer. But that will be a years worth of clutter; memories, letters, photos, poems, books, cds, mixed tapes, second-hand clothing, ticket stubs and oh so much more. It also helps me brush aside the cobwebs and shriveled up exoskeletons of memories and dreams (unfulfilled or otherwise) that occured in there. My little corner of this round world, reflects what I am and what I have been through. I feel like an archeologist going through some of the 'forgotten' shelves and drawers, finding what my 6th grade self had horded there; what was so precious that I did not want it to see the light of day or use it for anything but space consumption. In any case, maybe this 'change of scenery' is exactly what I was needing to get me back on the path of feeling the way 'I' should.

do you ever not feel like you? or maybe do you ever not feel like feeling like you?
that is the best way to describe my summer thus far. not like it has been a bad thing necessarily, but it has just been weird like that.

If I were to take a dark skinned lover, I would buy him golden brown bed clothes. This way, when we would make love it would be my toasted marshmallow melting into his milk chocolate and we would be complimented perfectly, held together but not overwhelmed, by his graham cracker sheets.

and my country tis of thee
to take shots at each other on prime time tv
why don't you just go ahead and turn off the sun
'cause we'll never live long enough to
undo everything they've done to you
undo everything they've done to you

they caught the last poor man
flying away in a shiny red cape
and they brought him down to the station
and they said "boy you should know better
than to try and escape"
and i ran away with the circus
'cause there's still some honest work left for bearded ladies
but it's not the same goin' town to town
since they put everyone in jail 'cept
the cleavers and the bradys

and my country tis of thee
to take swings at each other on talk show tv
why don't you just go ahead and turn off the sun
'cause we'll never live long enough to
undo everything they've done to you
undo everything they've done to you
-ani difranco

Happy fourth ya'll. :)
Set off some illegal fireworks for me, ok?
'cuz I'm proud to be an amerikan...
no, not proud, but I am greatful (for the most part)
now if we could just eliminate(exterminate) the manic keebler elf that has his cronies 'running' the country... well, it would not solve all (or even most) of 'our' problems, but at least it would be a step in the right direction (possibly).
Here's hoping you do not lose any fingers! Have fun.

hmm, 17 years and a little more than a day, so long and yet so short a time. Amazing how the seconds tic by, but wait for sixty of them and you already have got yourself a minute, and then after waiting for merely sixty of them you have (or more like have no longer) got an hour and if you wait for 24 of them, that gives you a day already and then after only seven of them, you wind up with a week, and after (roughly) 52 of them, there has gone by a year. Just like that. A very slow blinking of the eye, or (upon rethinking about it) a prolonged blur. Time, like change is constant, and at the same time, like change, the least constant thing there is. And I suppose that one could say that time is a bit more predictable than change, but regardless, it is still always going to be there, or so my comprehension of it would lead me to believe. But, there again, it has been found that humans are the only animals who really have a concept of time and the future or the past, for that matter (I believe). So for me, time exists because it is part of the way that I understand living, and I have found it a necessity to acknowledge and 'make use of (not always wisely)' in the manner that I have choosen to play out my life at this present time. That, of course, may change. Just give me time...